Compromises

Regardless of your status, married, single, with or without children, it’s impossible to get through the day without making at least one compromise. Some compromises are small, like carpool schedules, while others are big, like working conditions. Some compromises are tolerable, and we enter them knowing exactly what to expect. But there are strong compromises, the silent type that many of us make daily. They are strong because we are stuck with them and silent because they are unspoken.

To compromise is an art because you can bend only so far without breaking. Having this knowledge about how far you allow yourself to bend is the first step in making sane agreements. This is not an easy task. The more difficult life becomes, the simpler your breaking point must be. The way I see things is simple: if it’s not necessary to survive, then I don’t need it. It’s not negotiable. What I want represents the currency of compromise. I learned to be as flexible and as generous as possible without gagging. I learned to trust my instincts and to pay attention to the physical clues, especially to my gut.

One day, I realized that, regardless how hard I tried to do the right thing, it hadn’t been possible because I wasn’t in the right place where the right things mattered. I was on a crossroad where I had to decide if compromising would be the right thing to do or moving on. And it had been tough to decide, especially when I was inclined to compromise. Then, I thought that if I accepted to compromise on insignificant things, I would be expected to compromise with malevolent things and change who I was.

Compromise wasn’t the key to my survival.

“Don’t compromise yourself. You are all you have got,” said Janis Joplin.

Love,

Carmen Monica

 

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Letter from Daddy

This is an excerpt from Unveiled Secrets. The book is almost ready. A few more touches and, hopefully, I will have it ready for Christmas.

Leila,

When you read this letter, I will be long gone from this world. I would have liked to be with you instead of sending this letter, to hold your hand and talk to you. But this is my only way of reaching you. How can I ever begin to tell you how much joy you brought into my life when you were born? Will you understand my love for you? Is this even going to mean anything to you?

You didn’t get a chance to know me, as I will never get the opportunity to meet the woman you became. I am sure you inherited your mother’s soft features and her grace. I wish we had time together, but as it was never up to us to decide the time we came in this world, we can’t choose the moment we depart it. Listen to my advice: Give your heart to the one who can understand your inner desires, and not to the one smitten by your good looks. Looks will fade over time and what remains will decide who you are. Give yourself to the one who loves your kindness and your compassion, your laughter, and your tears.

He will be the one who stands by you in happiness and sorrow, for good and bad, until the last day of your life. In return, be truthful to the man who is prepared to sacrifice his own happiness just to make you happy, the one who will suffer just because he sees you crying. Our existences are nothing but a series of events, sweet and sometimes sour. Believe in love with all your being, but only trust the one who respects who you are, who accepts your downfalls, who is next to you to break your fall. This kind of love is rare and hard to find.

I may not be with you to tuck you in at night or rock you in my arms until your nightmares fade. I won’t see your first steps and hear your first words, and I will miss your first day of school, your first kiss, and your first love. But I will always be a part of you because your eyes are my eyes, your smile is my smile; your success will be my success, and your downfall will be mine, too. I will be with you every step you take. I sense that you will grow as strong and beautiful as the wildflowers, and that your beauty will shine from your passion for life.

So live for me, too! Enjoy life with its small tokens of happiness, and love the sadness it brings, too, since every obstacle you overcome is meant to make you stronger. Never take life too seriously—gamble a little. Learn something new each day and do not be afraid to share the news of your new skills with your friends for fear they might tease you. Do it anyway! Don’t compromise! Life is too short to allow it to just happen, so move forward with each occasion you have. Don’t panic if the storms seem stronger than you. Just wait patiently for them to pass. Someday you will laugh at yourself. Remember, light always follows dark, as the good weather comes after a storm. Keep your faith firm, and you will conquer the world.

And think of me as the first man who fell in love with you, before you were even born. The one who loved your perfect imperfections—a nose too small and tiny fingers a little too pink. I will watch over you and point you the way, just as the morning star shows the way to lost sailors.

With all my love,

Daddy”

I hope you will enjoy reading it as much as I enjoyed writing it.

Love,

Carmen Monica

 

Mondays can be great too

I’ve been looking at houses for the past weeks. It was joy combined with sorrow. Some were so beautiful and grand from outside, but when I looked at them carefully, I noticed that they weren’t so great. Their windows were screaming for repairs, the kitchen’s cabinets needed to be replaced, the floors desired a touch of wax.

Yes, they were just like those people beautiful from the outside, but rotten on the inside.

It made me wonder how many of us are attracted by the physical beauty. Too many… But what is a beautiful face or a sexy body without a beautiful heart?

To really know someone or something, we should look farther than the polished exterior. We should try to know them without cosmetics.  We should try reaching and connecting with the soul, and only after everything has been checked twice, only then we should conclude.

Adding a new dress, a new hairstyle, making new friends, traveling to new places, changing jobs, houses, partners, do not change who we are. If we don’t leave something better behind us, if we don’t try to improve what is shabby, if we don’t invest in making an old relationship work, if we don’t snap out of our virtual reality and see the world as it is, we will only pass through life. We will not create something to be proud of. Even if life is nothing but a dream, we should strive to make it a beautiful dream. Even if life is reduced to just one day, we should make that day count. Love a little, play a little, and make someone smile a little. By giving only a small part of ourselves we will see that walls build around unreachable castles will fall, gates will open, and new experiences will enrich our understanding of the world.

I haven’t had much time to dedicate to my friends. I am sorry for that. But this doesn’t mean that they are forgotten. I try leaving a message for them every day to tell them that they are still in my heart. I tend to believe that all the messages received are intended to make me understand that their lives are busy as well. Life is crazy; it is busy. We don’t have enough hours in a day to do all that we’d planned. But giving just a little bit of ourselves back to the world in the form of kindness or a listening ear, it counts more than thousands of gifts.

We should try to leave this world a better place than we found it.

Love,

Carmen Monica

 

Compliments

Everyone needs compliments. We need to give compliments to our families, friends, and strangers. We also need to hear more of them and to give more of them. Inside our hearts, we all feel like we deserve more compliments than we receive. I know that if we send good things away, the Universe will send good things our path.

Every day we should start with the assumption that we are beautiful, dazzling, absolutely fabulous. We should ask the Universe to reveal just how beautiful and brilliant we are. Every time someone pays us compliments, we should accept them as if some angels just whispered. We should smile and say,

“Thank you. How nice of you to notice.”

We should become abundant with our compliments to others because we are all so fragile, especially when we put on a brave face. Sincere compliments can penetrate beneath the most sophisticated masks to soothe our troubled souls. The ones we think need compliments the least are probably the ones who need them the most.

I encourage everyone to cultivate the habit of giving at least one compliment a day to another one. Then, notice how good it will make you feel. Soon, this will become one of your habits.

Words can hurt us, but they can also heal us.

Love,

Carmen Monica

 

Speaking the truth

How often happens to hold speaking the truth because you fear what someone else might think, say, or do?  Only speaking the truth will set you free. It will help in finding a balance between your heart and your soul.

Most of my life I tried to avoid conflict, and by doing so, I seldom spoke my truth… I discovered that this wasn’t a great way to live. It wasn’t until I found my voice and learned that it was more important to be real to myself and others than to merely please everyone.  Of course, I didn’t want to hurt anybody’s feelings. But then I thought of my feelings.Why should I allow anyone to take me for granted? How fair was I to myself?

I wasn’t fair at all…

I learned from my experiences that all predators pay attention to the easy targets, to the ones who don’t speak up for themselves, to the ones who don’t dare to tell the truth. I met them in a place I have no desire ever to return. And looking back, I just wonder how I have made for so long.

Speaking the truth will disgruntle a few people at first, but trust me, the respect you will earn will outweigh the temporary feeling of displacement you might experience.  And if anyone reacts harshly to your truth that response is theirs to own and not yours.

You were born to express yourself, so speaking the truth will set your soul free.

Love,

Carmen Monica

A Real Story

I am not going to give advice. But what I can surely say is that you are in charge of your destiny. You can be whomever you want to be and go wherever you want to go. Nobody can tell you that you can’t do this or that. There is no limit to what you can accomplish if surrounded by the right people and put in the right place.

I realized that I must keep what I love: the things, the people, the stories, and the friendships I built over the years. I realized that I must let go of the negative stuff because if I remember it over and over again, it will become part of my current life, it will suffocate me.

All the negative things from the past are done, finished, and I am not the same person as I were then. I don’t have to dig negative stuff out of my past. I just don’t have to put it in my story anymore. If people want to be a part of my life, they won’t find excuses. They will find ways to remain a part of my life. For this reason, I decided to fill my life with love so that anything negative will leave me. Only this way I can start telling the greatest story ever told because the force of love will light up my life.

Love,

Carmen Monica

About choices

We always have a choice: to love or to hate. We are given all types of people so we can choose what to love in them or turn away from what we don’t like. We are not meant to love people who lack the qualities we appreciate, like loyalty, fairness, and kindness, but we must simply ignore them, don’t give them any feelings.  When we ignore what we don’t like, it means we are relaxed about it, because we are given a choice.

We don’t have to argue with them to prove them wrong, or criticize and blame them, or trying to change them because we are correct. If we do it, then we are not giving love. When we feel love, then only the ones who also feel love can come into our lives.

There are days when we feel thrilled, days when we feel irritated, and others when we are sad. We have many versions. This is why is essential to understand that the people in our lives can have many versions and still be the same people. When we are happy, only a happy version of another person can come into our lives. It is very important to be happy to recognize a happy person.

We are not responsible for other people’s happiness because everyone is in charge of their own moods and feelings. This means that we are only responsible for the signals we sent into the world, and not the signals returning to us. We can’t change how the people see us, accept us or treat us, but we have a choice on how we treat them.

Love,

Carmen Monica

Ambition

It is said that ambition and achievement are soul mates. But it is the action that brings them together so that sparks can fly and the world is set on fire. Ambition and achievement walk hand in hand on this avenue called life.

Achievement is just like an honorable gentleman, while ambition is more like a tramp than a lady. If ambition doesn’t use its powers creatively, constructively, then it could damage the one summoning its presence. Ambition is just as powerful as the electricity. It can enhance your life, or it can destroy it. Ambition only becomes dangerous when we become easy targets for greed because we are so easily blinded by its charms.

Greed is a very effective messenger of the dark side.

It’s no wonder that so many us flee from being authentic because it is too dangerous to admit, even to ourselves, that we possess not only aspirations but ambitions. Have you ever thought that maybe ambition is a gift of the Spirit? What if we were supposed to be ambitious? What if ambition is necessary so that we can transform our lives.

One thing is sure. We cannot achieve anything in life without ambition. That’s why I always make a list with what I want to achieve in life, listen to my inner voice, take a closer look at my possibilities, and use my ambition in a positive, creative way to enhance my life.

Love,

Carmen Monica

My Life- My Story

I came to realize that I am the creator of my own life, so I wonder what story am I telling about myself?  Do I honestly believe there are things I can and cannot do? Is this the story I am telling about myself? Because it’s not true.

What should I do when someone says that I am less than anyone else, or that I am limited in any way? What should I do when someone says that I can’t-do what I love to do and earn a living from it? What should I do if someone says I am not as valuable and worthy as any other great human being who has lived? What should I do when someone says that I am not good enough now and I have to prove myself in life? What should I do when I’m told that I can’t have what I love or do what I love or be what I love.

I simply don’t listen!

If I believe it, then I set limits on myself, and they won’t be true. I know that there is not one thing that is too good for me or too good to be true. I learned that whatever I give, I receive back. I know that I am good, and worthy, and deserving now, not in the future, or in the time that is convenient for someone else’s plans. I am good enough now, at this moment, as I will be tomorrow and every day of my life.

Love,

Carmen Monica

The Gift Of Failure

How many of us feel like a failure because we haven’t followed our true calling? How many of us wake up in the morning dreading the day ahead because we are stuck in a dead end situation? We have bills to pay for our homes, education, food, gas, and so on. The list is exhausting.

The vast majority has chosen to follow careers that turned out to be a big disappointment but continued to follow the same path because it was familiar. Maybe some wanted to be musicians and had become doctors instead, abandoning their true calling. Maybe others wanted to be writers and had become accountants instead. Others wanted to have their own fitness center and had worked in restaurants all their lives. I know a man who wanted to learn to play guitar and never had the time to do it. But he kept the guitar in his office as a reminder of his failure.

I wonder how many of us will mourn the road we have abandoned?  

We long for something to change, we consider not following our true calling a failure, often being as scared and ashamed as those people who have been fired. How many people were laid off from their jobs through no fault of their own? They feel that somehow they have failed. The truth is that a new world of opportunities opens to them. All they have to do is let go of the familiar and embrace change.

How many people are stuck in jobs they hate, are terrified to risk change, and despite themselves for doing less than their best?

It could happen that at this very moment the world praises us, and we still believe that we have failed our own best hopes, our dreams. Everyone is terrified of failing, but whether we risk it all or play it safe, we can’t avoid failure. But failure is good because it stretches us beyond our own limits and helps us grow into our authentic self. It guides to become whom we were meant to be since the beginning. That’s why we should see failure as a generous gift.

The worst thing it can happen isn’t failure. It is never having tried.                                   

Love,

Carmen Monica